


When The Light Fades

by snrntrou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Osaaka, SakuAtsu, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, sunaosa - Freeform
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snrntrou/pseuds/snrntrou
Summary: How can Suna Rintarou move on if he's still in love with his ex-boyfriend who's already in a new relationship?How can he move forward when darkness surrounds him?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	When The Light Fades

“Fuck, please, don’t leave me. Please… I will do anything for you. I am willing to change myself for you, just please don’t leave me. I can’t, Samu… Hindi ko kaya. Tangina buhay na kita eh. Bakit kailangan mo pa akong iwan?”

Suna Rintarou cries. He’s on his knees, under the rain, crying and begging the man he love not to leave him. He looked like shit but he didn’t care. He’s willing to do anything, everything, so his boyfriend would change its mind about their break up.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t stay. I am not happy anymore and… I don’t love you anymore.”

And he was left there looking at the love of his life, walking away, out of his life. His anchor, his happiness, his sunshine, his soon-to-be husband.

“Cut!”

Suna Rintarou wiped the tears in his face. He stand up and forced a smile in front of the director and all the crew. He’s an actor, he’s good at this. Pretending that he’s fine, that he’s not hurt.

“Ang galing mo, Rintarou. Every word you say, it pains me. It feels real,” One of the crew told him.

Who says those words aren’t true?

He looked at his ex-boyfriend whom his partner in the movie they’re shooting, Miya Osamu. He’s giggling while his boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji, is wiping his face. He felt the familiar pain again.

‘I was the one wiping your face back then.’

His vision turned black as he felt a towel in his head, covering his face. He removed the towel and looked at his best friend, Sakusa Kiyoomi, with an annoyed expression.

“Stop looking at them. You’re hurting yourself.”

“Bold of you to think that I am not hurting even if I’m not looking at them.”

Kiyoomi shook his head and sigh, “Clean yourself. We’ll have a date.”

Rintarou automatically smiled but fade when he think of something, “Is Atsumu coming with us?”

Kiyoomi shook his head, “No. I told him not to come because we’ll have our quality time and I know you’ll not enjoy our date if he’s with us.”

“Hah! Finally, a day without the annoying Miya Atsumu.”

Kiyoomi laughed, “Now, go. Take a shower and change your clothes.”

* * *

“Did you have fun?” Kiyoomi asked while they are eating in one of their favourite restaurant.

Since Rintarou’s mouth is full, he just nod and gave Kiyoomi a smile to assure that he’s fine and he enjoyed their date.

Atsumu came to pick up Kiyoomi but they drove Rintarou home first. He slumped in his bed, feeling tired. The shooting last only for three hours but he felt like his energy for a year was drained. He looked at the blank ceiling above him.

_“Suna Rintarou, I like you.”_

_Osamu shyly said._

_Rintarou grin, enjoying the sight of a shy Osamu in front of him._

_“Oh, really?”_

_He teasingly said._

_Osamu bit his lip, eyes are on the ground, nod to answer his question._

_‘Tangina ang cute! ‘Di ako ready doon.’_

_“So, you’re gonna court me or you confessed to let go?”_

_“Can… can I court you? I promise I’ll always cook for you.”_

_Rintarou can’t help but to let himself smile because Osamu is too cute._

_“Yeah.”_

Rintarou let himself cry when a memory of him and Osamu visited his mind again. He cried and cried. He let himself shout because of pain. He let himself punch the pillows beside him. He hugged himself and continuously whispering until he drifted to sleep.

‘Mahal na mahal kita eh. Bakit mo naman ako iniwan?’

The next day, he woke up feeling sick.

“Fuck. We have a shoot.”

He tried to get up only to stumble and feel the coldness of the floor. He dialled Kiyoomi’s number to tell him that he’s not feeling well.

[I’ll be right there. I already told the director that you’re sick.]

Was Kiyoomi’s words before he lose his consciousness.

_Crying… He can’t see anything but darkness. He didn’t know where he is but he’s aware that he’s crying. He heard a loud sound so he looked where it came from. Everything’s dark except the area where he sees a woman standing in the middle of the street and two cars. One in the middle of the road and one hit the tree beside the road. His breathing became heavy. He feels suffocated. He can’t breathe. He–_

“Suna Rintarou wake the fuck up!”

Rintarou’s catching his breath. He looked at Kiyoomi who’s crying beside him.

“Tangina, ‘wag mo naman akong takutin, Rin.”

He bit his tongue inside his mouth. He felt pain. Yeah, that’s what he need at time like this. Pain. To know that he’s still alive and he’s still able to feel anything.

“Fuck you, Rintarou.”

Atsumu angrily said. He saw this expression again.

“I’m sorry.”

He hugged Kiyoomi who’s still crying.

That night, Atsumu and Kiyoomi stay by his side, literally. He’s in between of the two, hugged by them to make sure they’ll wake up when something wrong happens again.

He can’t sleep.

He doesn’t want to sleep.

He’s scared.

What if it will visit his dreams again? What if he’ll saw it again? What if it will be like that ‘one time’? That time where he wished he’ll neve–

“Rin.”

His thoughts stopped when he heard Kiyoomi’s voice.

“I love you. Let’s sleep so you’ll feel better next day, ‘kay?”

Kiyoomi gave him a smile full of love.

Yeah. He won’t think of it again. He won’t leave Kiyoomi.

He won’t let Kiyoomi cry again, begging him to live.

* * *

“That’s all for today!”

Finally! He’s itching to go home and rest. He doesn’t feel sick anymore but working with his ex is draining all the energy he has. As much as Kiyoomi wanted to stay with him today, he can’t because he needs to go with Atsumu and have dinner with the Miya.

‘Huh. We used to go there together, feel nervous together because we’re afraid of the Miya.’

He feel hurt when he saw the four talking.

‘That used to be us. That should be me.’

He laughed because Kiyoomi’s not talking and have his forehead creased, openly expressing he don’t like Keiji. Keiji’s a good guy, actually. Osamu deserve him. Someone like him. Not someone like Suna Rintarou.

“We’ll take home Rin before going home.”

He heard Atsumu said.

Even if he doesn’t want to be a burden, he can’t go home by himself and Kiyoomi knows it.

“He doesn’t have a car?”

Keiji asked.

That’s Rintarou’s cue to approach the group because Kiyoomi’s face turned darker.

“Kiyo.”

“No. We’ll take you home.”

Rintarou noticed how Keiji got scared of Kiyoomi’s expression and he also saw how Osamu hold his hand like he’s assuring him that nothing bad will happen because he’s with him.

Their conversation got interrupted when a crew approached them and asked a question.

“Rintarou, can you remove the bracelets in your wrist in our next shoot?”

“Isn’t it another scene in the rain?”

Atsumu asked.

“Yes and we need–”

“No, he can’t.”

Kiyoomi answered, cutting off the crew. Rintarou looked apologetic to the crew while letting himself get drag by Kiyoomi.

“Don’t turn off your phone.”

Kiyoomi said before he leaves the car.

Rintarou get in his condo with head full of thoughts. He lazily sat at the couch in the living room. Memories about Osamu wanted to visit his mind again but he didn’t let it in. He doesn’t know what happened but he drifted to sleep.

Rintarou woke up when he heard something from the bed room.

‘Huh? I’m not in my room?’

He was about to get up when he heard a voice that he’s not familiar with.

“Gago bilisan mo baka magising.”

Still dizzy, he get up.

“The fuck are you?”

Two men in front of him, he can’t recognize them since they are wearing a mask.

He was about to call Kiyoomi when he felt something hard hit the back of his head. His vision got blurred and he’s too dizzy. He felt the men running to get out of his condo. He held his phone tight but it slipped because he has no strength. Before he totally got unconscious, he hears a faint ringing sound. He hopes that Kiyoomi will come and help him.

* * *

_‘Masarap ba?’_

_Osamu asked Rintarou._

_Younger Osamu and Rintarou._

_‘Okay lang,’ Rintarou teased Osamu whose eyes are looking at the ground again._

_Osamu pouted and it’s obvious that he’s sad._

_Rintarou laughed, ‘Joke lang. Sobrang sarap.’_

_Finally, Osamu looked at Rintarou. Osamu looked shocked but has a visible faint blush on his cheeks._

**_“Huh? Why am I seeing this? Am I dreaming?”_ **

_The scenery changed and this place is very familiar with him._

**_“This is where I–”_ **

_‘Yes, Osamu. I’ll be your boyfriend.’_

_Osamu’s crying because of happiness. Kiyoomi and Atsumu laughed because of Osamu._

_Rintarou didn’t think twice. He pulled Osamu for a kiss._

**_“Please, stop it. I don’t want to see this–”_ **

_The place changed again. This time, it is in Osamu’s condo. Rintarou is still sleepy while Osamu’s brushing his teeth, laughing._

_‘Baby, wake up. Mom’s waiting for us.’_

_The place changed again._

_‘Happy first anniversary, Rin. I love you so much.’_

_Osamu kissed Rintarou’s forehead before kissing his nose then both side of his cheeks and finally, his lips._

**_“Tangina, please. Stop it.”_ **

_The place, once again, changed._

_‘Happy graduation, baby! Mahal na mahal kita.’_

_And again, it changed._

_‘Rin, are you coming?’_

_And again, it changed._

_‘Rin, we planned our third anniversary. Where are you?’_

_And again, it changed._

_‘Samu, babe, I love you.’_

**_“Fuck.”_ **

_And this time, it’s with Kiyoomi._

_‘Rintarou, tell him why you can’t give him time.’_

_‘I can do this, Kiyo. He’s busy studying in law school. I can’t be a distraction.’_

_‘Then when are you going to tell him that your Mom is in the hospital and you’re working four jobs?’_

_‘I… I don’t know, okay? I’m afraid he’ll give money and I’ll hear something from their family. Also, nakakahiya si papa.’_

_‘Tangina ng papa mo, full offense. Sana makulong siya. Tita doesn’t deserve all the beating.’_

_‘Even if I want to, I’ll spend the money for Mom’s treatment first.’_

_‘But tell Osamu, Rin.’_

_‘Yes, I will. Hihintayin ko lang matapos 'yung exam niya. He's busy reviewing. I don't want to be a burden to him. Alam mo naman 'yun, baka unahin pa ako kesa sa exam. I don't want it. I can see his passion in studying. I can see how much he loves to be a lawyer and I won't do anything to get in his way.’_

_Now, with his younger sister._

_‘Fuck, Rina. Tangina hirap na hirap na ako. You’re… seventeen and you’re telling me you’re pregnant?’_

_It’s their house._

_‘Rina? I bought food that’s good for pregnant woman.’_

_Instead of Rina, Rintarou saw a note: I’m sorry, Kuya. I’m coming with my boyfriend._

**_“Stop. Stop it. STOP!”_ **

_With Osamu again._

_‘Do you still love me?’_

_Osamu asked._

_‘So much, Samu. I’m so sorry but please don’t leave me, babe.’_

_It’s the hospital._

_‘Twenty-five thousand, Sir.’_

_‘Can I pay fifteen thousand first? I’m so sorry.’_

_‘Sir, we’ll be honest with you. Your Mom’s health isn’t progressing. It’s the machine that’s helping her but it looks like she already give up.’_

_A phone call._

_‘Can we meet tonight?’_

_‘Uh, Samu-’_

_‘Fuck it, Rintarou. We’ll meet at the front gate of the school, 7 pm.’_

_6:30 PM._

**_“No… no, no. Please, not this day. Not this night.”_ **

_‘Nurse, I’ll leave shortly. Please look after my mom.’_

_Front gate of the school._

_‘Tama na, Rin. Pagod na ako.’_

_‘No, Samu. Baby, don’t leave me.’_

_‘Hindi na ako masaya, Rin. Pagod na akong maghintay sayo.’_

_‘Samu, samu, please listen.’_

_‘Fuck your explanations, Rin.’_

_Rintarou get on his knees, crying and hugging Osamu’s legs._

_‘Please, Samu. Don’t leave. Hin… Hindi ko kaya. Not now, Samu. Please... Listen to me. Samu, mahal na mahal kita please.’_

_‘Hindi ko na rin kaya, Rin. Hindi ko na alam kung mahal pa ba kita.’_

_TANGINA._

_Rintarou was left there, on his knees, crying. Looking at the man he love walking out of his life._

_Another phone call._

_‘Sir, your Mom’s not responding anymore.’_

_‘Ma, no. Ma, ‘wag muna. Hindi ko kaya, Ma. Please.’_

**_“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!”_ **

_Rintarou can’t see the road clearly because his tears are blocking his vision. He got shocked when he saw a woman who’s about to cross the street even with green light. He has no choice but to change his direction to avoid the woman, not knowing there’s another car that’s about to hit him but also changed its direction and hits the tree beside the road._

_In the hospital._

_‘Sir, are you okay?’_

_‘Yes. Please, my Mom.’_

_Rintarou didn’t care about his bleeding forehead. He arrived at his mother’s room only to hear the doctor announce her time of death._

**_“Stop this, please. I’m begging you.”_ **

_‘The one is dead on arrival, the one is in the emergency room and he’s the only one who’s conscious.’_

_Rintarou couldn’t move. These are the guys in the other car._

_One is… dead._

_Rintarou killed… him?_

_‘No, Rin. Listen to me. You didn’t, okay? They’re drunk and over speeding and if you didn’t do what you did, you could’ve killed the pregnant woman.’_

_But it doesn’t sink in._

_Rintarou always wake up in the same bed but different time and date._

_‘Tangina mo, Suna Rintarou. Stop trying to… kill yourself. Stop hurting yourself, Rin. ‘Wag naman pati ikaw mawala. Rin, I’m begging you.’_

_‘The demons, Kiyo. They won't shut up.’_

_‘I'll be here, okay? I'll fight with you.’_

* * *

“Babe, wake up. Kiyoomi.”

Kiyoomi woke up and saw his boyfriend crying.

“Hey, what happened. It’s 4 in the morning.”

“Rin… Hospital…”

Kiyoomi saw himself running in the hospital’s hallway. His forehead creased when he saw Osamu outside the emergency room but asked first about his best friend.

“How’s he?”

“Still in the emergency room, fighting.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know what exactly happened but he called me at 3 am. No one answered but I heard his heavy breathing so I got worried and checked on him. I saw his door opened and the condo was a mess. He’s lying there, full of blood. I assume someone got in to rob him. The police are investigating it.”

“Fuck it, Rintarou. Live, please. Don’t ever try to think of leaving again.”

“Kiyoomi. I saw his wrist.”

“No.”

“Fuck it. Tell me.”

“Didn’t you say fuck his explanations, you fucker? Tangina mo pagod ka pero sana nakinig ka!”

“Please… tell me.”

“You have Keiji, Samu. ‘Wag kang gago.”

Osamu’s on his knees, begging Kiyoomi to tell him everything.

“Please, Kiyoomi. Nagmamakaawa ako sayo. Tell me everything, please.”

Osamu's begging. He's crying while waiting for Kiyoomi's answer.

“Tangina mo. Ikaw 'yung nang iwan at pinutol lahat ng connection sa kaniya.”

* * *

_“Where do you want to get married?”_

_“Anywhere as long as it’s you, Rin.”_

_I thought it’s me, Samu, but why did I hear you and Keiji talking about it?_

_Why didn't you hear my explanations?_

_Why do you look so happy with him, Samu? Ilang taon na ang naka lipas pero hindi pa rin ako naka alis o naka ahon manlang sa pagkakalunod, Samu._

_Paano ako na kahit anong gawin, ikaw pa rin?_

_Bakit kung kailan kita pinaka kailangan, doon mo ako napiling iwan?_

_Mahal na mahal kita, Samu. Mahal na mahal na mahal._

_Ah._

_Pagod na ako. Ma, gusto na kitang makasama._

_Simula noong araw na iwan niyo ako, pakiramdam ko pati sarili ko iniwan na ako._

_I keep on blaming myself. Lahat... lahat ng nangyari noong araw na 'yun, paulit ulit na binubulong sakin na kasalanan ko. Kung bakit may nawalan ng anak, kung bakit may nawalan ng kaibigan._

_Tangina paano ko nakayanan ‘yung mga araw na nagdaan?_

_Kiyoomi, mahal kita. Gusto ko pa mang lumaban pero pagod na ako._

_Gusto kong lumaban pero katawan ko na ata ang mismong susuko._

_I don’t know how I survived the dark days. I don’t know how I kept breathing after the light fades._

* * *

“Fuck, Kiyoomi. Fuck.”

Osamu’s crying so hard.

“Rin, I’m so sorry. Baby, please fight. Tangina, Rin.”

The Doctor.

“Time of death, 5:03 AM.”


End file.
